Finding Love..and yourself..

I've reached a very scary and sort of dramatic crossroads in my life..I feel almost as if I am standing at the edge of a precipice ready to take a leap, largely of faith. Recent developments, so to speak, have made me realize that I got no other option than to jump.. Yep..it is the dreaded M letter word i speak of..

I've always thought of myself as a commitment phobe. As a true blue Gemini, I think my biggest problem is with the idea of something being so permanent..the thought of one person for the rest of my life scared the hell out of me.. it still does actually..

Except one teeny-tiny development - I think lately, I've gotten more ready to face this fear head on...recent developments have made this easier - having seen one marriage, one engagement and one relationship, your fear tends to give way to caution. Your cynicism fades into discretion. 

So as far as I'm concerned, crossroads would be the incorrect word to use.. I think I'm less confused and now just biding my time.. but one thing is for sure - the decision has already been made.. =)

So here's to all the ones in a relationship out there - to all the highs and lows, peaks and pitfalls, fights and makeups, conversations and silence, all the love and anger..and most importantly, here's to love..

'Breaking' News..

Its official - Heartbreak is a bitch..and I realize a lot of you reading this are probably saying 'that definitely isn't a newsflash!' I know..the bitch of it (and also the boon) is that nobody escapes it..i've felt my heart breaking and more recently seen it happen to people I'm very close to..

For those of you who haven't been through it, I pray and hope that its not something you ever have to go through (although my prayers and hope may yield nothing)..for those of you who have - I get it..there have been so many times in the past - recent and far back; that I wish things had turned out differently.. that more had been said and done..and most painfully, dealing with the realization that I probably wasn't good enough..

There have been so many times that I wish everybody's lives came with a remote control for love..that each could pick and choose who they fell head over heels for..and who they didn't..but that would make life too easy and arguably (definitely aruguable!) boring..but I find myself wishing that at the very least I could use a 'Pause' button, if not an On-Off button..

If you, the reader, are looking for some kind of advice I'm afraid your search will be in vain..I got none..if your heart's broken, there's no other way to get through it other than live with the pain and hope that you come out in one piece enough to tell the story..and hopefully learnt something in the process...it helps, though to reach out..especially if you're the type to resort to self-deprecation..I reach out to friends, family, chocolates - anything that makes me feel just a little bit better about the world and myself..

It helps to remember that with the pain comes the realization that it was never that you weren't good enough..it was just that the two of you weren't a good fit and life in it's odd ways has something in store for you..I haven't reached that place yet..when I do, be sure to expect a post about rosy life looks..but for now, suffice it to say heartbreak is a rite of passage and it's something everyone has to go through..if you can't feel better about the pain, take solace in the fact that you definitely aren't alone..

A toast to the Best Women friends..

So its only fair the women get a post to themselves also...why? Coz they do all the things men BFFs do and then some.. :) I love my best friends...they almost always agree with you, and when they dont, they let you down easy..you complete sentences, understand each other's obsession with chocolates and shoes and synchronize you-know-what...women friends are indispensable and here's why..

They will always come on shopping trips and tirelessly offer you opinions, if not unbiased and if not always the same opinion as yours..

They may not be very fond of your judgement in men and relationships but they always listen to you whine and bitch anyway, even when they're thinking 'I told you so..'..some friends will start off with 'I told you so' and then continue listening..

You can depend on the fact that they will tell you look great but might need to lose just a little bit of weight..which is ok..coz what matters is you're gorgeous on the inside... :)

You may not be the prettiest girl in the room to men, but to your besties, you're always beautiful..and always deserve the best..

And from personal experience, they make fabulous listeners..always!! Women are just biologically fantastic at listening..and retaining the information..which may not always work to your advantage but reminds you of whats important..

This is to women best friends everywhere..thank you for the love, support, conversations and endless supply of chocolate.. :)

a Thank- you to the Male BFF.. :)

Where to begin..I feel like everybody, women especially will relate to this. One year down since my last serious relationship ended...a good year its been...I've learnt so much, spent time with the people I love - friends, family..anyone that matters...had a little fun on the side - work-wise and play-wise..and still it feels like something's missing. Like I'm not fully feeling 'zen' yet..

So this post i dedicate to the 'nice guys'...the ones who made me believe in the last year that your species still existed even when i had no faith..to the ones that stayed loyal and committed to the women that mattered..mothers, sisters, wives, friends and girlfriends...this is a toast to the men who open doors, pay bills, laugh at bad jokes, offer shoulders to cry on, do NOT mentally undress their women friends in the middle of a conversation and always answer their phones in the middle of the night to listen as if they were wide awake the whole time..this post is dedicated to the 'Male Best Friend'..

You know who you are...you are the ones that tell women what the jerk they dated was thinking...you are the ones that know when to offer advice and when to just shut up and listen..you are the ones who aren't scared or turned away by tears...you are the ones who put a hand around the shoulder and no lower..you are the ones that agree with the boyfriend and/or husband but still empathize with the woman (even though you know, she's being unreasonable)...

It is Men like you that dont get thanked often enough...even post 3am calls and numerous bills paid...Its men like you that make me regain faith in the gender...hoping that one day i will be lucky enough to find one of your kind and for keeps...I have a lot of best friends and a lot of them are women...but this post, i dedicate to you - the Male BFF...and on behalf of all the women who haven't said it but should have done a long time back and continue to do it..THANK YOU! :)

Relationship Woes...and then some..

As a disclaimer - this post isn't for those in love...correction..'happily' in love...this is for the rest of us lesser mortals...many stories, many articles, many superficial conversations and soul-searching talks later, I finally got to thinking....do we really know what we want from a partner? whether its spouses or boyfriends (or girlfriends) or even just casual sex buddies....more often than not; and definitely more often than I'd like, I've seen relationships fail and every single time, it breaks my heart....for all the things that could have been...but we seem so sure when we start out...where does this faith lose itself on its way? i'll be honest...i'm now a complete skeptic....in that i just don't believe there is a guy out there for me; my 'soul-mate' if u will....failed relationships can do that... I've picked the pieces of my emotions and slowly pieced them together...what i cant seem to piece back together is my broken faith...

i guess the only relationships that can make it are the ones that can survive past the honeymoon phase...(my term for the initial phase when of a relationship...when its all about making the impression and hence, its all sunshine and rainbows...) and u see the person for who he/she really is... but why is it hard to find genuinely nice men and/or women? people that may not agree with you on most things but are willing to listen anyway.. the ones that wont see what the big deal is but will lend the shoulder anyway...

As a woman I know one thing is for sure...I may find and actually manage to be with my 'soul-mate'....but I'd give him up any day for the man who isn't my soul-mate but will fight and do anything he can to keep me around....

With a lot of hope and faith (a lot of it misplaced...) and the warmest regards... :)

Letter to Me...

Letter to a 35 Year Old Me...

Another breakup...another disappointment...and more heartbreak..while u picked up and gathered the pieces and now stand at the milestone of your 35th birthday, i hope the pain that this one brought also brought with it the knowledge that you learnt more and became wiser than ever before. Now i realize that the ones that loved me and the ones that didnt...didnt define who i am....it was very simply how much i loved myself...that every relationship with a man - whether a boyfriend, lover, fling or friend influenced who you are..but did not determine it...that with every relationship that came around and went away, u didnt lose the faith...instead you realized u learnt more and know that the next time around u'd find new mistakes to make... :)
I hope you know, now that you only deserve a man who treats you like the queen of his heart and the centre of his world...that every other man (in whatever kinda relationship u may have had) fades to the background when u look at this man meant for you...that every other experience pales in comparison when you're with him....and that u have finally found him like he found you...and have decided to spend the rest of your life with him...
Also, i hope that he's smokin' hot! :)
from Me...

Truly Developed?

Of all the developments that have occurred in the recent past...many have shocked me.....terrorist attacks, global warming et al. But one that has really stayed and infuriated me is the 'burqa ban'...agreed..the maoists and the german bakery blasts present much bigger threats...but why would a country...that is so obviously developed in so many other ways, take a step that makes it step back a few decades? what is france (and belgium, actually..) so afraid of? that the burqa = terrorism? or that it is a sign of imposition on women? and so believes that banning the burqa is the only way out? in a word...its stupid...(i know, thats two words..)
You cannot react to force with force....i believe that a lot of women wear the burqa because it is imposed on them...but i also know of women who wear it because it is a part of their identity....and who the hell is any government to tell them otherwise?... france and belgium have widely discredited themselves as far as tolerance is concerned.....and that is the sad truth...they seem to have defeated the very purpose they set out to serve...
in a time that needs tolerance of religion and belief more than anything, two powerful european countries are encouraging exactly what shouldnt be...intolerance...of all the messages that need to be sent out to the world, of peace and tolerance, environmental awareness, etc, France and Belgium sent out the message that we all should most fear...disrespect...